I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's not cheating when I paid for it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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