Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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