You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
