This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
