Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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