We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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