In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
