Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
