If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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