you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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