He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im part way to drunk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
