I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
