She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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