I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
