It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
