I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
