The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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