hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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