I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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