a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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