He had one of those small greek statue penises
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
