toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
