90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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