and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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