So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
