standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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