They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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