Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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