i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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