i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
