Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
