3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
