Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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