its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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