Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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