Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
