Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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