dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
