He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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