Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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