Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
