Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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