I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
