When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
