we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
