I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
