I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
