the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
