Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
