I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
