I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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