Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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