the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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