he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize