I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
