Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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