Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sex in a hospital.. check
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
