Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
