I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize