My sheets look like a crime scene.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The adults are the big ones right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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