Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
