we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
