his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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