I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
