you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
