I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
