when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
