girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
